Men Who Hold Out for Sex....

Society is an interesting thing. Society mixed with Biology is even more interesting. Men are Biologically wired to spread their "seed," which is also why it's common knowledge among women than men think with their OTHER head more than half of the time. Females at the same time are wired to try and "lure" a man for genetic purposes. Which is also why women are more prone to jealous feelings- it's their natural biological way of wanting to fight off competition and lock down a mate. What has this come to mean in society over time? For starters, 1) Men are Hunters, 2) Women hold out because the man ultimately wants to "hunt" for it, so if you give it up too quick, interest will dissipate, 3) Men have learned to "woo" in order to stick some P in the V.

On the flip side of things, women have become desensitized to the "typical" male nature of things. Women are learning earlier on in life that "sleeping" with a man doesn't make him "yours" and it doesn't in fact "lock him down" by any means. Therefor, women are learning to accept and appreciate the act in itself, and detach from emotions beyond the situation. Example: Woman meets Man at Bar, they flirt, they establish attraction, woman decides she's okay with a "one night affair," they go, they "dance," they part ways, End of Story. On a more serious level, women have learned that making a man wait for a substantial amount of time before intercourse will backfire. So, they give it up faster because they don't want to lose him. Biology mixed with Society. Interesting shit.

Funny thing about Society and Biology and Evolution mixed together- you encounter ALL sorts of interesting scenarios. Women start putting out quicker, Men stop wooing, Women get bored and move on, Men get attached too quickly, yady yady yada. THEN you get the UNTHINKABLE: "Men who won't give it up." *Drum Roll Please*

Wait, Men who don't give it up? Is that real? Yea, right!  Uh, no, it's real and it happens, and it happens for many reasons.  However, before I venture into the reasons, Society needs to understand that if women can adapt, so can men, and oh, weird, they do, and they have. They might be a rare breed. But shit's about to get real.

[Pause for Wine]

Wait, so, Men can ACTUALLY get all hot and sweaty and make out for hours and then POOF, say "no."
Yes, they can. They can knock your hand out of their pants, they can say, "Let's just go to sleep," they can even say, "I know I was holding your hand earlier, but no, I don't want to fuck you tonight." All of these responses would be completely acceptable for women, but for some bizarre reason, women are dumb founded by these responses from men. So, what happened? Where's the switch in our evolution that all of a sudden made it okay for women to give it up and men to hold back? Darwinism of the sexes? Could be. Simple evolution? Potentially. However, this phenomenon is so RECENT that science hasn't even researched it yet.

Science. Right. So, all I could find were the top 10 most common reasons Men hold out for Sex. Here's my twist on things.

1) He's a fucking psycho and he's taking medication to control his Crazy- which in turn makes him not want to have sex.
-Fair enough, but how do you find out if he's a closet psycho? Snoop through his bathroom? Talk about your hypothetical psycho problems so you can "relate?" Hmmm..... some creativity might come in handy for this one.

2) He works a lot, he plays a shit ton of Diablo III (or video games in general), stays up way past any normal humans bedtime, and eventually he HAS to sleep, even if a hot girl wants to ride his wang. Because sleep is essential, and sometimes, sex deprived sleep isn't AS important as Video Game deprived sleep. True Story.

3) Hormones. Yep. Hormones. Bitches take Birthcontrol and that can make them crazy, but guys can very easily get the WRONG testosterone test done and that in turn can balance out in a BAD, BAD, way. But, unless you're dating a guy that's having a midlife crisis or beyond, this PROBABLY isn't the issue. Some men with a lack of libido get their blood tested. Most will get tested for TOTAL Testosterone levels instead of FREE Testosterone levels which is a much more accurate picture of how much sex they "need/want" there's also something about SHBG, and Prolactin- but seriously, unless you're dating an ALMOST Grandpa- hormones are probably not the issue.

4) WHO AM I???? So, girls could be dealing with five different counts of drama in their life, but if you tell them "they're pretty and amazing" and then touch them in JUST the right way, their libido is HIGHLY likely to spike and she'll be temporarily happy again. Men- not so much. If he's stressed about a job, where he's supposed to move, someone is dying- he's probably not gonna get a boner, because he can't turn off his fucking mind. Truth.

5) You don't have the sex potential he's looking for. He wants to choke you out, you're not down, he's over it. The end.

6) You got in a fight, he's pouting, and unless you can give him the space he needs he might end up strangling you instead of banging you. Savvy?

7) Stress. Nuff said. Give him space, pamper him, feed him, but by all means, DO NOT TRY TO BANG HIM! He's got other things on his brain, and it will be one more chore he has to deal with, see #4. They go hand in hand. Plus, mix #7 with #4 and a combo of #2- WOA...... then he might NEED to be on #1.

[Pause for Wine]

8) He watched a porno earlier, jacked off, and doesn't want to do it again. Business was taken care of. Sorry Doll.

9) They love you too much......like a sister. Which is weird. No normal person wants to fuck their sister. There's Friends with Benefits, then there's BFF's with benefits that remind me of my family....CREEEEEPY!!! Girls- this isn't weird for you, but for guys, they like you, like being with you, but you just have too much of that "We're so In-Sync" and less of that "We're SOOO hot together" vibe that simply kills the wood. Sorry.

10) Men don't want to fail. Sometimes, they think they might, so they don't try. They don't want to be mediocre, they want to be the best, if they think they can't be the best, then they're over it.

So, he's not necessarily holding out because he's NOT into you. He might be totally into you. Several factors might also be at play. These are the SCIENTIFIC facts for TOP 10 reasons why.

P.S. If this bothers you and you're baffled by it, or offended, just ask him why. Chances are, it's probably on the list. OR he has an STD and doesn't want to give it to you- that is ALSO a possibility- use protection unless you are both monogamous and have been tested together. They say it takes about 3 months for most STI and STD's to show up on a test- stay safe people. Be smart. Talk to your honey, if he's stressed, see how you can take off some of that load. Good luck ladies.

Friends With Benefits

This seems to be a reoccurring theme in the film industry these days. Friends With Benefits with Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake, and then there was No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman. Both movies were fairly descent Romantic Comedies. HOWEVER, and a big however at that- both of those movies were chalk full of bull shit. Last time I checked, Fuck Buddy situations RARELY end in a serious relationship. Pretty sure someone usually gets attached and it never ends like it does in the Hollywood Movie Flics. Regardless of Hollywood's romanticized version of this type of relationship, they are, in theory, still a good idea.

Think about it. Who really likes dating? I certainly find it exhausting. Emotionally, physically, mentally exhausting. Dating is a good way to discover that most humans are dull, awkward, and socially challenged. Of course they are, or they wouldn't be single. I've had someone take an onion ring, turn it into a heart, stab it with toothpicks to hold it into place, and then say, "Here, look, I made you something." I'm not sure what movies that human had been watching, but last time I checked, making my onion ring a heart on a first date didn't exactly scream, "He's a keeper!" In fact, it mostly screamed, "He's a creeper! Run for the hills!" Go on about 20 first dates like that and yes, it's exhausting.

I live in a town where any fun, exciting, normal individuals happen to be my friends. I also live in a town where incest of friends is a huge problem. A friend of mine and I played a game called 6 degrees of separation- only by people that have slept together. It was almost appalling at how easy it was to connect two people from two different social groups, strictly by who they've slept with. The fact that we know who all of our friends have had sexual relations with is equally disturbing. We've all done it. We've all shat where we eat- so to speak. Maybe it was back in High School, maybe it was last week. It doesn't matter.

So, there you have it, two options, incest of friends, or awkward dating. Eventually though, you'll probably find a descent human after about 25 first or second lame dates, and maybe like them enough to hang out for 5 or 6 dates, maybe even do the nasty, but then it's either shit or get off the pot. I'm in an age bracket where people are either getting married, or not done playing the field. So, I end up back at the friends thing. I have very attractive friends, they are funny, smart, exciting, and I'd probably sleep with a number of them if it wasn't socially frowned upon. I also like to think I have some sort of "standards."

So, I have to pick one friend. One friend who hasn't slept with any of my friends. If they have slept with any of my friends, it can't be any of my "best friends." I also need to make sure I haven't done the naughty with any of their best friends. Luckily for me, this wasn't too hard. Wait, yes, yes it was a bit of a challenge. But, I  lucked out. My particular "friend" happens to be gone most of the year and meets the rest of my "standards" for when it comes to the idea of casual sex.

Casual sex. Fuck Buddies. Bang Besties. Lovers. Sex slaves. Whatever you call it. We all need to have one.  Why? Because we are animals and we have basic human needs for food, shelter and sex. It's natural. Once you're bored dating, or heart broken by someone you actually liked, it's time to call that "friend" and feed your natural desires. Why? Because convenient rebounds are the easiest way to get over someone without feeling like too much of a whore. It's also nice to know that beyond the bedroom, you don't HAVE to go to breakfast or dinner to feel like it meant something, because it didn't.

No strings attached. No commitment. No messy feelings. Just. Sex. I am over the in between dating process. I'd like to just cut out the middle man. If you like someone enough to hang out AND sleep with them, you should probably just commit. Otherwise, a "special friend" works wonders. Just make sure you use a condom and get tested regularly.

Happy Banging Everyone.