Tuesday, January 27, 2015

When You're Ignored

I hate being ignored. Being ignored triggers early childhood memories of constantly being alone and being ignored long enough that I was able to put myself or others in dangerous situations.
How I coped with being ignored was running away, rebelling and putting myself in harms way- in order to "teach a lesson." When that didn't work, I would retreat silently within myself and bottle up my emotions instead. These reactions kept the cycle going.
When I wasn't alone or being ignored, I was in trouble. I didn't receive the affection, nurturing and caring I desperately needed and instead- was expected to be independent and in control.
What I really needed was someone to see the whole picture, tell me it wasn't my fault, and see that I deserved so much more. I wanted someone to see my pain and lift the burden and take care of me. I wanted someone to help me grow instead of expecting me to go from seed to flower overnight.
Being ignored has almost cost me my life on more than one occasion. But that was then. This was in the first 7 years of my life. Let's talk about now.
When did I decide that I wasn't worthy of attention? More importantly, when did I decide that I wasn't worthy of affection? When did I decide I didn't deserve help? When did I decide that I didn't deserve protection? When did I decide that I didn't deserve stability? When the ones who were supposed to be there weren't, I realized words were empty promises and that everyone would abandon me eventually.
But have these negative beliefs been serving me? No. I want to let them go. So then, I have to ask myself. What am I ignoring in MY life?
I ignore my financial responsibilities. I ignore my car that needs maintenance. I ignore my family. I ignore my job. I ignore my health. I ignore my emotions. I ignore my dreams and desires. I ignore my responsibilities.
Did I decide that when I'm ignored, I get to ignore in retaliation? Most likely. When something comes up in our early childhood, we find ways to deal with it. Usually these aren't healthy ways of dealing, because we aren't yet capable of making adult/rational choices and decisions. But once you recognize the root of these negative beliefs, you can turn it around. You can replace those negative beliefs with a positive one.
How about this instead?
I honor my life. I honor my financial responsibilities. I honor my vehicle. I honor my family. I honor my dreams and desires. I honor my responsibilities. I honor, therefor I am honored. So within, so without. I acknowledge and appreciate these mirrors as they surface. They lead me down a path to healing, health and happiness. I ask, and receive. I do not push away and I am not pushed away. I give affection and receive affection. I am compassionate and receive compassion. I protect therefor I am safe and protected. I nurture, therefor I am nurtured. I plant seeds, therefor I grow. The seeds I plant are nurtured. My negative beliefs are replaced with light and love and positivity. I only allow light and love into my life. I choose happiness. Even in the darkness there is opportunity for light. I love and honor myself and my life, therefor life loves and honors me.
So when you're being ignored, take a look at what you could be giving more attention to, and think to yourself- I don't like this, this bothers me- I am going to honor and be honored instead.

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