Friday, February 3, 2012

Friends With Benefits

This seems to be a reoccurring theme in the film industry these days. Friends With Benefits with Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake, and then there was No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman. Both movies were fairly descent Romantic Comedies. HOWEVER, and a big however at that- both of those movies were chalk full of bull shit. Last time I checked, Fuck Buddy situations RARELY end in a serious relationship. Pretty sure someone usually gets attached and it never ends like it does in the Hollywood Movie Flics. Regardless of Hollywood's romanticized version of this type of relationship, they are, in theory, still a good idea.

Think about it. Who really likes dating? I certainly find it exhausting. Emotionally, physically, mentally exhausting. Dating is a good way to discover that most humans are dull, awkward, and socially challenged. Of course they are, or they wouldn't be single. I've had someone take an onion ring, turn it into a heart, stab it with toothpicks to hold it into place, and then say, "Here, look, I made you something." I'm not sure what movies that human had been watching, but last time I checked, making my onion ring a heart on a first date didn't exactly scream, "He's a keeper!" In fact, it mostly screamed, "He's a creeper! Run for the hills!" Go on about 20 first dates like that and yes, it's exhausting.

I live in a town where any fun, exciting, normal individuals happen to be my friends. I also live in a town where incest of friends is a huge problem. A friend of mine and I played a game called 6 degrees of separation- only by people that have slept together. It was almost appalling at how easy it was to connect two people from two different social groups, strictly by who they've slept with. The fact that we know who all of our friends have had sexual relations with is equally disturbing. We've all done it. We've all shat where we eat- so to speak. Maybe it was back in High School, maybe it was last week. It doesn't matter.

So, there you have it, two options, incest of friends, or awkward dating. Eventually though, you'll probably find a descent human after about 25 first or second lame dates, and maybe like them enough to hang out for 5 or 6 dates, maybe even do the nasty, but then it's either shit or get off the pot. I'm in an age bracket where people are either getting married, or not done playing the field. So, I end up back at the friends thing. I have very attractive friends, they are funny, smart, exciting, and I'd probably sleep with a number of them if it wasn't socially frowned upon. I also like to think I have some sort of "standards."

So, I have to pick one friend. One friend who hasn't slept with any of my friends. If they have slept with any of my friends, it can't be any of my "best friends." I also need to make sure I haven't done the naughty with any of their best friends. Luckily for me, this wasn't too hard. Wait, yes, yes it was a bit of a challenge. But, I  lucked out. My particular "friend" happens to be gone most of the year and meets the rest of my "standards" for when it comes to the idea of casual sex.

Casual sex. Fuck Buddies. Bang Besties. Lovers. Sex slaves. Whatever you call it. We all need to have one.  Why? Because we are animals and we have basic human needs for food, shelter and sex. It's natural. Once you're bored dating, or heart broken by someone you actually liked, it's time to call that "friend" and feed your natural desires. Why? Because convenient rebounds are the easiest way to get over someone without feeling like too much of a whore. It's also nice to know that beyond the bedroom, you don't HAVE to go to breakfast or dinner to feel like it meant something, because it didn't.

No strings attached. No commitment. No messy feelings. Just. Sex. I am over the in between dating process. I'd like to just cut out the middle man. If you like someone enough to hang out AND sleep with them, you should probably just commit. Otherwise, a "special friend" works wonders. Just make sure you use a condom and get tested regularly.

Happy Banging Everyone.

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