Thursday, February 2, 2012

Cowardly Men Vs. Assholes

Most females, by now, have seen the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You." Women are funny creatures. Full of emotions, vivid imaginations, contradicting logic, and above all, they have this constant hunger to know everything......when it comes to the opposite sex. They can watch movies that explain their exact situation to a "T" but because of a slight omission of information specific to a particular individual- they convince themselves they are an exception. Interesting. So, a male can become involved in a females life, and then *POOF* disappear- and women will come up with magical stories about how he was kidnapped by his work, or his friend was in an accident, or he lost her number while he was cliff diving etc. Instead of ultimately accepting that said Male has moved on, and they should too. 

Moving on. Men are interesting creatures as well. They have all seen a cheesy romance movie or two in their day, and I'm certain they have drawn their own conclusions for what women want and expect from a male counterpart. I've concluded through my observations that all women are the same and that there are three very distinct types of men roaming this planet. 1) The Womanizer a.k.a. Asshole. 2) The "Nice Guy" 3) The Self Proclaimed Gentleman a.k.a. Coward. 

1) The Womanizer is the kind of man who always dresses to the nines. He is usually drinking a scotch or a whiskey on the rocks, suave, and confident, and surrounded by male and women alike "oooohing and aaaahhiing" over their innate sense of confidence. This guy is clever and he has a way of making women feel "special and wanted" without much of an effort at all. He will sweep you off your feet, give you amazing orgasms and then *POOF* disappear. 
Most women aren't foolish enough to "fall" emotionally for this guy. They know it's a "sex thing." They like feeling beautiful and wanted and are saddened they can't have it everyday, but ultimately, this womanizing asshole makes it very clear, he isn't interested in a female beyond the next morning. Women can respect that. 

Every woman on the planet would be okay with being used by this Womanizer. Yum 

2) The "Nice Guy." Poor fellah. Not usually the most attractive one in the batch. Women love to have these guys as their "friends." The male in their life that will listen attentively, give accurate male advice (by accurate I mean the advice that ALWAYS makes the female feel better, telling her she's too pretty when she's clearly a 4) etc. This guy is almost always falling in love with females that are way out of his league and must have some sort of mild addiction to pain because these guys never seem to learn that women go for assholes.

Typical Nice Guy

3) The Self Proclaimed Gentleman a.k.a. Coward. This guy is the most dangerous to the female race. These guys are nicely nestled in between The Womanizer and The Nice Guy. He picks up on tricks from the womanizing male friends and uses them to "woo" any female of interest. He also picks up on the mistakes the Nice Guys did where they were "too supportive" to a female and became friends instead of lovers. This guy is sly. He'll take you out on 5 or more dates. Call or Text you daily to "let you know he's thinking of you." He may even go so far as to tell a female that she is the only person he wants to "see" and how amazing she is...Blah, blah, blah. JUST when the female starts to let her guard down- this particular male will *POOF* disappear. Slowly. He's like a ghost,  you can still feel his presence, but you can't see or necessarily hear him.

Beware the "Gentleman" 

Women need to be aware of the three specific types of men they will encounter in their lives. Only then will they be best armored to deal with each individual. The womanizer wants her body. The Nice Guy wants her mind and soul. The Gentleman wants his fantasy of a perfect girl and will treat every female he comes into contact with as such, until he gets bored or finds a replacement. Women, never let any of these men fool you. Nothing is real unless you have a ring on your finger.

Men. Assholes finish first because they know what they want, and they know how to get it. They also know that being sneaky ultimately complicates things for them. It's easier to be upfront with ladies.

Nice Guys, you should hang out with a few assholes and pick up a few tricks. Tell that "friend" of yours, she can't get "boyfriend privileges" unless you are actually her boyfriend.

Gentleman a.k.a. Cowards- I call you cowards because you have this idea in your head that women are fragile porcelain dolls that will shatter if you are too rough with them. They aren't. Most women won't in fact cry and beg if you tell them that your romantic situation with them has changed. It doesn't matter what reason. She will understand timing is off, or there is someone else, or you are afraid to commit, or her breathe stinks, or she farts in bed etc. etc. etc. What makes you a Coward is that you don't take the time to explain to a woman (that you've been stringing along) what's going on. You ghost away like a cowardly little prick into thin air. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!

Women, slap yourself for going through the seven stages of grief once you've encountered a "Gentleman." He's not worth the energy and will be more likely to end up alone then his other male counterparts. You have a vagina, and someone else will sweep you off your feet in no time.

The End.


  1. So damn true, the string alongs, the future fakers, the nice guy that is NOT so nice and cannot communicate properly.. he is so damn nice, that is another trickster to watch out for.

    So many damn tricks guys USE to get out of making a real commitment and every one of them will make you a 1/2 of something so that you cannot even be all you are with them, and yet they wonder why they have not met the one? well how CAN they when they only bring out a 1/2 of YOU by being 1/2 of something for YOU!