Why Twin Flames Run

There is a runner dynamic in twin flame relationships. Those who have experienced a twin flame relationship- know this dynamic well. There is a constant push and pull and it can feel like every time you take a step forward, you're pushed two steps back. It can feel very intense and painful when you aren't the runner. Here's what I have found that has helped me handle the runner dynamic.

Fear of Rejection:

He may run because he doesn't feel worthy of the connection and fears that once they let you in fully, you'll leave and they'll be rejected by you. He's really running from himself. They are insecure you will reject parts of him he hates about himself. They are petrified of you rejecting him because he will take that as confirmation/proof of his own belief that he is not good enough. He knows the connection is deep. Connection is a gift. They run because they believe ultimately the love will be taken away. Lack of self esteem and self love, and a fear of not belonging is strong in this dynamic. They fear not being accepted and so they run away from judgement and being judged as unworthy.

Fear of Losing:

They are afraid they won't be able to keep you. So it's easier to push you away by being cold and distant. Because then, when they lose you- it won't be because of them, but because of their actions. They want to make it so they can't lose what they don't have. If you never wanted it to begin with, then you won't be mad or sad when it's gone. If he runs you won't truly know him and his flaws. He never lets you get close enough to judge who he is. You'll walk away because of how he behaved and not who he is as a person.

Fear it's a Trick:

He thinks he's unworthy of love and should therefor be punished. He fears and suspects connection is a trick that is tempting him and testing him. He feels he is unworthy of bliss and happiness. He feels the connection is a test to see if he is selfish or naive enough to reach for the twin flame love. He is scared of reaching for it and then it being taken away. He fears he is being delusional and that the connection is too good to be true. He is afraid of believing in something that could be an illusion. He doesn't want to depend on love if it's going to be taken away or if it's just a fantasy.

Fear of Being Consumed:

He fears being consumed by you and the emotions. He has been obsessing just as much as you have. There is an intense longing. These emotions are overwhelming for him. He feels and amazing and at the same time feels the connection is painful. Parts he needs to heal are surfacing alongside of the love connection. He feels consumed by your love and your soul. He hasn't been taught how to process and handle these emotions and they are exhausting for him. He shuts them off and shuts you off too. He can't concentrate on life at all. But when he wants to feel the intensity of the connection again he comes back around.
Ultimately the runners are scared that if it doesn't work they are left with nothing. He wants to go back to normal so when/if you are taken away- he still has something left and can pretend it was nothing extraordinary anyway. He won't let himself taste a life with you. It is imbalanced and not fair, but they are being cruel to be kind. They see weakness in the connection. The Connection makes them feel out of control which makes them feel they need to be strong and cut it off.

When You're Ignored

I hate being ignored. Being ignored triggers early childhood memories of constantly being alone and being ignored long enough that I was able to put myself or others in dangerous situations.
How I coped with being ignored was running away, rebelling and putting myself in harms way- in order to "teach a lesson." When that didn't work, I would retreat silently within myself and bottle up my emotions instead. These reactions kept the cycle going.
When I wasn't alone or being ignored, I was in trouble. I didn't receive the affection, nurturing and caring I desperately needed and instead- was expected to be independent and in control.
What I really needed was someone to see the whole picture, tell me it wasn't my fault, and see that I deserved so much more. I wanted someone to see my pain and lift the burden and take care of me. I wanted someone to help me grow instead of expecting me to go from seed to flower overnight.
Being ignored has almost cost me my life on more than one occasion. But that was then. This was in the first 7 years of my life. Let's talk about now.
When did I decide that I wasn't worthy of attention? More importantly, when did I decide that I wasn't worthy of affection? When did I decide I didn't deserve help? When did I decide that I didn't deserve protection? When did I decide that I didn't deserve stability? When the ones who were supposed to be there weren't, I realized words were empty promises and that everyone would abandon me eventually.
But have these negative beliefs been serving me? No. I want to let them go. So then, I have to ask myself. What am I ignoring in MY life?
I ignore my financial responsibilities. I ignore my car that needs maintenance. I ignore my family. I ignore my job. I ignore my health. I ignore my emotions. I ignore my dreams and desires. I ignore my responsibilities.
Did I decide that when I'm ignored, I get to ignore in retaliation? Most likely. When something comes up in our early childhood, we find ways to deal with it. Usually these aren't healthy ways of dealing, because we aren't yet capable of making adult/rational choices and decisions. But once you recognize the root of these negative beliefs, you can turn it around. You can replace those negative beliefs with a positive one.
How about this instead?
I honor my life. I honor my financial responsibilities. I honor my vehicle. I honor my family. I honor my dreams and desires. I honor my responsibilities. I honor, therefor I am honored. So within, so without. I acknowledge and appreciate these mirrors as they surface. They lead me down a path to healing, health and happiness. I ask, and receive. I do not push away and I am not pushed away. I give affection and receive affection. I am compassionate and receive compassion. I protect therefor I am safe and protected. I nurture, therefor I am nurtured. I plant seeds, therefor I grow. The seeds I plant are nurtured. My negative beliefs are replaced with light and love and positivity. I only allow light and love into my life. I choose happiness. Even in the darkness there is opportunity for light. I love and honor myself and my life, therefor life loves and honors me.
So when you're being ignored, take a look at what you could be giving more attention to, and think to yourself- I don't like this, this bothers me- I am going to honor and be honored instead.

Broken

I love you.

Simple.

I love you and that terrifies me.

I've been broken so many times and my pieces can't take another coat of super glue.

I love you.

I'm fragile.

You toss me around and place me carelessly on the edge- as if I won't shatter if I fall.

It's hot and I feel like the glue is melting.

I love you.

Simple.

I'm on my side, rolling and wondering, "Where is my shroud of bubble wrap?"

That's when it happened.

I shattered.

There are pieces everywhere and a few too broken to piece together.

I thought you knew I was breakable, I was already broken.

Now I'm waiting.

Waiting to be swept up and tossed.

Waiting to be glued back together.

Waiting to be melted down and reformed into something new.

Something unbreakable.

I'm waiting.

Broken and shattered. I'm waiting.

I love you.

Simple.

I love you.

Grab a broom.

Put me at the top of your "to-do" list.

Anything.

Something.

Something is better than nothing.

This nothing is allowing me to disintegrate.

This nothing is dragging me, broken and shattered.

This nothing is killing me.

I love you.

Simple.

Help me or throw me away.

Please don't leave me here.

Fragile and broken.

Thought you knew that when you brought me home.

Waiting….

Breakup

9/7/14

This feels like a death.
I want to reach for my phone to call you, but something stops me and tells me you aren't there.
I know I miss you because I can feel your presence everywhere.
Life goes one, and I've tried to adjust accordingly.
It's only been a few weeks, but time feels like an asshole that taunts me.
Why is this so hard?
I thought I was following all the right steps on a predetermined path.
Is this a two way street?
I feel alone, wandering aimlessly.
I know what's real.
I know because it's clouding my judgement.
I can't seem to turn my mind off and the same film is on repeat.
This feels like a death.
You're so close, but so far away.
How long do I have to play with these memories?
This puzzle has gotten too intense.
I haven't found all the edges, but the big picture overwhelms me.
This chapter is over and the story goes on.
I'm having a hard time turning the page.
I like the story with you in it better.
It's a story I could read forever and still learn something new each time.
I miss you.
I know because I'm trying so hard not to.
Radio silence nags at my psyche.
Desperate to hear a tune, voice, commercial- anything.
But I can't find the right station.
Where's my bluetooth?
I'll play our song on repeat.
No use. The battery is dead.
So close, but so far away and it feels like death.
Was that last goodbye really forever?
Why is this so hard?
I want to pick up the phone and call you.
I want to send you every thought that summons you in my mind.
But ego is in the way.
Pride says let you go, I know it's better that way.
Then I remember….. attraction is emotional, not logical and I miss you.
This feels like death.

Recognizing the Twin Flame

5/3/14

It's terrifyingly agonizing to be completely enveloped in this subconscious yearning. 
The body, paralyzed.
The mind, achingly tormented.
It's as if you're both stripped and facing each other open palmed- forced to show, tenaciously needing to see- what so desperately wants to remain hidden.
My thoughts are plagued with an innocent and sensual longing.
A tight hold.
A safe coddle.
A vulnerable sanctuary.
Imagining what it would be like for you to see all of me.
It aches to feel so completely free and perfectly protected.
This unconscious prism feels like treading warm water after a frozen walk.
I wonder if it nabs at you too.
Wide awake and painfully wanting to cling to this fantastical slumber.
I wonder if I'll ever truly feel that way in someone's embrace.
Naked and calm.
Sexually charged and blissfully vulnerable.
A tender and soft clutch that feels like our souls are merging together.
Is this really just a dream?
Perhaps a forced fantasy,
Paralyzed and in agony.
Paralyzed to even fathom uttering a breathless word.
You'd never understand the peacefulness I found with you in that glimpse.
I'll close my eyes tighter and continue wishing this was real.
It's a cruel torture to feel so close when it's merely a ghost of souls in my mind.
I wonder if it could ever be real?
I wonder if two people can ever really share their souls?
We are complete even in our separate state.
Together- a force that would induce spontaneous combustion.
Too Powerful. Too intense. Too raw and real.
I'll treasure this moment always.
The moment I discovered unconditional love.